Last updated on October 9th, 2024 at 06:40 am
Scissors might seem like an ordinary tool, but they can be the cutting edge of comedy when paired with some clever humor. Whether you’re a fan of wordplay, puns, or just need a good laugh, these jokes about scissors are sure to snip away at your boredom.
In this post, we’ve gathered some of the funniest and most unique jokes about scissors that will have you laughing out loud.
Let’s dive in and explore the lighter side of this everyday tool!
101+funny jokes about scissors
1. Snipping Away the Day
- Why don’t scissors ever tell secrets?
Answer: Because they always cut to the truth!
Explanation: Scissors “cut,” so the joke plays on the idea that they always “cut” to the chase or truth. - What do scissors do when they’re bored?
Answer: They just snip around!
Explanation: “Snip around” is a play on “skip around,” but with scissors, they “snip” instead. - Why did the scissors fail art class?
Answer: They couldn’t make the cut!
Explanation: “Make the cut” is a common phrase meaning to succeed, but here it’s literal for scissors. - What did the left scissor say to the right scissor?
Answer: Let’s work together and be sharp!
Explanation: Scissors have two blades that need to work together, and “sharp” is both literal and figurative. - Why are scissors always calm?
Answer: Because they never lose their edge!
Explanation: “Losing their edge” means losing sharpness, but here it’s used figuratively to mean they stay calm. - What did the scissors say to the unruly fabric?
Answer: Don’t make me cut you down to size!
Explanation: Scissors “cut” fabric, so the joke is a playful threat. - Why don’t scissors run for office?
Answer: They can’t handle all the cutting remarks!
Explanation: “Cutting remarks” refers to harsh criticism, but here it’s a pun on scissors’ cutting action. - What do you call a pair of scissors that can’t cut anything?
Answer: Useless!
Explanation: This joke is straightforward, emphasizing that scissors that can’t cut are just ineffective. - Why do scissors never go out of style?
Answer: They always have a cutting-edge design!
Explanation: “Cutting-edge” means modern or innovative, making it a pun on the scissors’ function. - How do scissors apologize?
Answer: They say, “Sorry, I was a bit too sharp!”
Explanation: Scissors being “sharp” is literal, but it’s also used metaphorically to describe someone being harsh.
2. Cutting Through the Humor
- Why did the scissors get promoted?
Answer: They were a cut above the rest!
Explanation: “A cut above” means superior, which is a pun here with the scissors’ cutting ability. - What did the scissors say after a tough day?
Answer: I’m all cut up!
Explanation: “Cut up” can mean emotionally upset, but it’s a literal reference for scissors. - Why don’t scissors go to parties?
Answer: They’re afraid they’ll cut in line!
Explanation: “Cutting in line” is frowned upon, but here it’s a play on the scissors’ cutting action. - How do you know when scissors are angry?
Answer: They start cutting people off!
Explanation: “Cutting people off” is both a social term and a pun on what scissors do. - Why were the scissors always on time?
Answer: They never miss the cut-off!
Explanation: “Cut-off” refers to deadlines, but here it’s a pun with scissors. - What do you call scissors that are bad at cutting?
Answer: Blunt!
Explanation: Blunt scissors can’t cut well, and “blunt” also describes someone who speaks directly. - Why did the scissors open a barbershop?
Answer: They knew how to make the perfect cut!
Explanation: Scissors are used for cutting hair, making this a humorous career choice. - How do scissors greet each other?
Answer: They say, “Let’s cut to the chase!”
Explanation: “Cut to the chase” means getting to the point, which is a pun with scissors. - Why don’t scissors like rock music?
Answer: Because they always get beaten by rock!
Explanation: This is a play on the game “Rock, Paper, Scissors,” where rock beats scissors. - Why did the scissors take up yoga?
Answer: To stay sharp and flexible!
Explanation: Scissors need to be sharp, and flexibility is essential for them to work properly.
3. Shear Genius
- Why are scissors great at school?
Answer: They always get straight A’s in cutting class!
Explanation: “Cutting class” usually means skipping school, but here it’s about scissors excelling at cutting. - What did the scissors say to the thread?
Answer: You’re getting on my last snip!
Explanation: “Last snip” is a play on “last nerve,” and snipping is what scissors do. - Why did the scissors get in trouble?
Answer: They cut corners!
Explanation: “Cutting corners” means taking shortcuts, which is a literal and figurative play here. - What’s a scissor’s favorite type of music?
Answer: Heavy metal, because they love cutting through it!
Explanation: Scissors can cut metal, so they “love” heavy metal music as a pun. - How do scissors stay in shape?
Answer: They do a lot of cross-cuts!
Explanation: “Cross-cuts” is a term in both exercise and cutting, making this a clever pun. - Why did the scissors join the circus?
Answer: They wanted to be part of a cutting-edge act!
Explanation: “Cutting-edge” refers to something innovative, which is humorous when applied to scissors. - Why were the scissors always successful?
Answer: They had a cutting personality!
Explanation: “Cutting” can describe someone who is sharp-witted, playing on the literal use with scissors. - What do scissors and a good comedian have in common?
Answer: They both know how to deliver a sharp punchline!
Explanation: “Sharp” applies to both cutting and wit, making this a dual pun. - Why are scissors never alone?
Answer: They always come in pairs!
Explanation: Scissors have two blades, hence they’re “pairs,” making this a straightforward joke. - What did the scissors say to the comb?
Answer: Let’s cut to the hair!
Explanation: This is a twist on “cut to the chase,” but with a focus on hair, where scissors are often used.
4. Clipping with Comedy
- Why don’t scissors trust paper?
Answer: Because paper always covers them up!
Explanation: This joke refers to the game “Rock, Paper, Scissors,” where paper covers scissors. - How do scissors end an argument?
Answer: They just cut it short!
Explanation: “Cutting it short” means ending something abruptly, which is literal for scissors. - Why did the scissors visit the doctor?
Answer: They felt a little blunt!
Explanation: Blunt scissors can’t cut well, making them “sick” in this joke. - Why did the scissors refuse to work?
Answer: They were too cut up about something!
Explanation: “Cut up” means upset, and scissors cutting is the pun here. - What do you get when you cross a scissor with a joke?
Answer: A cutting remark!
Explanation: “Cutting remark” means a harsh comment, but here it’s about scissors and jokes. - Why don’t scissors hang out with knives?
Answer: They’re too sharp for their liking!
Explanation: Both are sharp, but this joke suggests a personality clash between the tools. - Why are scissors so good at cutting?
Answer: Because they’re always on edge!
Explanation: “On edge” means nervous, but here it’s about the literal edge of scissors. - What did the scissors say when they saw a hairball?
Answer: Time to make the cut!
Explanation: Scissors are used to cut hair, making this a straightforward pun. - Why don’t scissors tell jokes?
Answer: They’re afraid people will cut them off!
Explanation: “Cutting off” someone in conversation is rude, but it’s literal for scissors. - How did the scissors win the race?
Answer: They cut corners!
Explanation: “Cutting corners” means taking shortcuts, fitting perfectly with the scissors’ function.
5. Cutting Remarks
- Why do scissors always have the last word?
Answer: Because they know how to cut to the chase!
Explanation: “Cut to the chase” means getting to the point quickly, which scissors do literally. - What did the scissors say when they got stuck?
Answer: I’m in a bit of a snip!
Explanation: “In a snip” is a play on “in a pinch,” with scissors being involved. - Why did the scissors skip the meeting?
Answer: They didn’t want to be caught in the middle!
Explanation: Scissors have two blades, and the middle is a vulnerable spot. - What’s a scissor’s favorite game?
Answer: Rock, Paper, Scissors, of course!
Explanation: This joke is self-explanatory, referencing the classic game. - Why don’t scissors gossip?
Answer: They can’t handle cutting remarks!
Explanation: “Cutting remarks” refers to harsh words, which is a play on what scissors do. - How do scissors cut costs?
Answer: They trim the fat!
Explanation: “Trimming the fat” means reducing expenses, but scissors literally trim. - Why did the scissors get divorced?
Answer: They couldn’t cut it together anymore!
Explanation: “Cutting it together” means managing well, which becomes literal here. - What do you call a scissor that loves adventure?
Answer: A cutting-edge explorer!
Explanation: “Cutting-edge” refers to something innovative, which ties into the scissors’ function. - Why did the scissors refuse to play?
Answer: They didn’t want to get cut!
Explanation: This joke plays on the idea of scissors being cut, which is a humorous twist. - Why were the scissors so confident?
Answer: They knew they could handle any cut!
Explanation: Scissors are made to cut, so they’re confident in their ability, making this joke fitting.
6. Snipping Tales
- Why did the scissors refuse to work with the knife?
Answer: They didn’t want to get into a cutting contest!
Explanation: A “cutting contest” can be literal or figurative, making this joke double-edged. - Why do scissors love action movies?
Answer: Because they’re full of cutting scenes!
Explanation: “Cutting scenes” refers to editing film, which is linked to the scissors’ action. - What did the scissors say to the unruly ribbon?
Answer: You’re on the cutting edge of disaster!
Explanation: “Cutting edge” means innovative, but here it suggests a looming disaster. - Why do scissors never get lonely?
Answer: Because they always stick together!
Explanation: Scissors have two blades that stay together, making this a sweet and funny joke. - What did the scissors say when they got rusty?
Answer: I’m feeling a bit blunt today!
Explanation: Rusty scissors lose sharpness, making them “blunt” both literally and figuratively. - Why were the scissors always organized?
Answer: Because they could always cut through the clutter!
Explanation: “Cutting through clutter” means sorting things out, which scissors do literally. - What’s a scissor’s least favorite color?
Answer: Rust!
Explanation: Rust makes scissors blunt, so it’s their least favorite. - Why did the scissors feel proud?
Answer: They made the final cut!
Explanation: “Final cut” refers to a movie’s last version, tying into the scissors’ function. - How do scissors deal with stress?
Answer: They cut it out!
Explanation: “Cut it out” means stopping something, and it’s literal for scissors. - Why are scissors so clean?
Answer: They always cut out the dirt!
Explanation: Scissors can cut through anything, so they stay “clean” in a figurative sense.
7. Sharp-Witted Scissors
- Why do scissors make terrible actors?
Answer: They always cut the tension too early!
Explanation: Cutting tension means reducing suspense, which is what scissors do literally. - What did the scissors say when they won the lottery?
Answer: Time to cut loose!
Explanation: “Cutting loose” means having fun, and it’s a pun with the scissors’ function. - Why did the scissors feel under pressure?
Answer: They were stuck between a rock and a hard place!
Explanation: This references the game “Rock, Paper, Scissors,” where scissors can be caught. - How do scissors start a fight?
Answer: By cutting someone off!
Explanation: “Cutting off” can mean interrupting someone, which is literal for scissors. - Why did the scissors take a nap?
Answer: They were feeling a bit edgy!
Explanation: “Edgy” can mean tense, but here it’s about the sharp edge of scissors. - Why are scissors always in fashion?
Answer: They’re trend-cutters!
Explanation: This is a twist on “trendsetters,” making it a stylish pun. - What’s a scissor’s favorite TV show?
Answer: Cutting it Fine!
Explanation: This is a play on the phrase “cutting it fine,” making it a fitting title for a scissors-themed show. - Why don’t scissors get angry?
Answer: They don’t want to lose their sharpness!
Explanation: Scissors need to stay sharp to function, so they avoid situations that dull them. - How do scissors handle criticism?
Answer: They cut it down to size!
Explanation: Scissors “cut down to size” literally, making this a witty remark. - Why did the scissors take a vacation?
Answer: They needed to unwind and de-stress!
Explanation: Scissors can get “stressed” with use, so this joke imagines them taking a break.
8. Snappy Scissor Jokes
- Why are scissors the best at debates?
Answer: They always cut to the heart of the issue!
Explanation: “Cutting to the heart” means getting to the core, which scissors do literally. - What did the scissors say when they got stuck in traffic?
Answer: I need to cut through this mess!
Explanation: Scissors cut through things, making this a literal and figurative joke. - Why don’t scissors like to share?
Answer: They’re afraid of cutting someone off!
Explanation: Sharing involves giving up something, but scissors cutting is a play on this idea. - Why did the scissors break up with the stapler?
Answer: They couldn’t handle the pressure!
Explanation: Staplers apply pressure, but scissors need a different kind of tension to work. - What’s a scissor’s favorite holiday?
Answer: Cut-mas!
Explanation: A play on “Christmas,” but with a scissor-themed twist. - Why don’t scissors like puzzles?
Answer: They can’t figure out how to cut corners!
Explanation: Puzzles require precision, but scissors cutting corners is a literal pun. - What did the scissors say to the tape?
Answer: Stick with me, and we’ll make the cut!
Explanation: Scissors and tape are often used together, making this a team-up joke. - Why did the scissors refuse to cut the cake?
Answer: It was too sweet for them!
Explanation: This joke plays on the idea that scissors have a tough job, so something “sweet” is out of place. - How do scissors handle rumors?
Answer: They cut through the lies!
Explanation: Scissors cut through things, making this a metaphorical and literal joke. - Why were the scissors always happy?
Answer: They were always cutting up!
Explanation: “Cutting up” means joking around, but it’s also what scissors do.
9. Cutting Wit
- Why did the scissors refuse the job offer?
Answer: They didn’t want to cut ties!
Explanation: “Cutting ties” means ending relationships, which scissors do literally. - What did the scissors say when they saw a knot?
Answer: Time to cut it out!
Explanation: “Cut it out” is a command to stop something, and scissors do it literally. - Why did the scissors go to therapy?
Answer: They had too many cutting remarks!
Explanation: “Cutting remarks” are harsh comments, and scissors cutting makes this a pun. - What did the scissors say to the confused piece of paper?
Answer: I’ll help you cut through the clutter!
Explanation: This is a pun on scissors literally cutting paper. - Why did the scissors fail the test?
Answer: They couldn’t cut it!
Explanation: “Cutting it” means succeeding, so scissors failing is a twist on this phrase. - What’s a scissor’s favorite dance?
Answer: The cutting-edge move!
Explanation: “Cutting-edge” refers to something innovative, making this a sharp joke. - Why did the scissors avoid the kitchen?
Answer: They didn’t want to be part of the cutlery!
Explanation: “Cutlery” includes knives, but scissors cutting ties them into the joke. - What’s a scissor’s favorite type of movie?
Answer: A cutting documentary!
Explanation: “Cutting” refers to film editing, which is what scissors do. - Why did the scissors feel embarrassed?
Answer: They couldn’t handle the sharp criticism!
Explanation: Scissors need to be sharp, so criticism about sharpness ties into this joke. - Why did the scissors quit their job?
Answer: They were tired of making cutting remarks!
Explanation: “Cutting remarks” are harsh words, so scissors quitting due to this is a pun.
10. Scissors in Action
- What did the scissors say when they saw a tough material?
Answer: I’ll cut through anything!
Explanation: Scissors are made to cut, so this is a confident declaration. - Why did the scissors get promoted?
Answer: They knew how to make the cut!
Explanation: “Making the cut” means succeeding, which is literal for scissors. - What did the scissors say to the overgrown bush?
Answer: Time for a trim!
Explanation: Scissors are used for trimming, so this joke is fitting. - Why did the scissors become a coach?
Answer: They know how to cut through the competition!
Explanation: Scissors cutting ties into the idea of competitive coaching. - Why don’t scissors run for office?
Answer: They can’t handle the cutting debates!
Explanation: Political debates can be harsh, just like scissors cutting. - What’s a scissor’s favorite snack?
Answer: Anything they can cut into!
Explanation: Scissors are made to cut, so this is a humorous twist. - Why did the scissors stay home?
Answer: They didn’t want to cut loose!
Explanation: “Cutting loose” means having fun, but here it’s about scissors staying safe. - What did the scissors say when they met a new friend?
Answer: Let’s cut to the chase!
Explanation: “Cutting to the chase” means getting to the point, fitting with the scissors’ purpose. - Why did the scissors stop dating?
Answer: They were tired of cutting ties!
Explanation: “Cutting ties” means ending relationships, which is literal for scissors. - Why did the scissors open a barbershop?
Answer: They were great at cutting hair!
Explanation: Scissors are used in hair cutting, so this joke is right on point.
Conclusion
These funny jokes about scissors not only bring a smile to your face but also showcase the clever wordplay possible with such a simple tool. Scissors, often overlooked, can be the stars of some genuinely sharp and witty humor.
Scissors might seem like an ordinary tool, but they can be the cutting edge of comedy when paired with some clever humor. Whether you’re a fan of wordplay, puns, or just need a good laugh, these jokes about scissors are sure to snip away at your boredom.
